Thursday, 8 June 2017

A letter to myself

Recently, someone reached out to me and asked me to write this post... 

The day I found out I was pregnant was one of the most exciting and happiest days of my life. I knew I was pregnant I just had that gut instinct. I have honestly never felt so incredibly lucky. I soon realised I had no idea what I had let myself in for though. I wasn't prepared for half of the feelings that were about to come my way. 

The beginning of my pregnancy was full of mixed emotions. If I could go back and tell myself a few things it would go something like this...

A letter to my pregnant self (in hindsight).

Dear Jen, 

So your pregnant. Erm....Wooohoooo!! This is actually happening! [insert actual jumping up and down on the spot]
But what happens now?! 
Reality is what. 

You will find the first trimester the hardest. It's hard not so much physically more mentally. Trying to keep this pregnancy a secret is tough going. You will try hard to keep it to yourself but people will find. It will feel terribly unlucky. It will be alright but you might cry a few tears along the way about it as the excitement is somewhat tarnished. Suddenly everyone will be talking about pregnancy around you and you will be in some pretty awkward conversations for a while. Make your excuses and get out of there before you out yourself - you're a terrible liar and the crimson face will give it away! 

You will read every piece of reading material going. You will document every change in your body, and memorise every growth and stage of development of baby from day to day. You will become your own expert on what feels right, your instincts will be fierce but at the same time you will also have no clue about what feels 'normal'. Things will worry you, pangs and movements will convince you something is wrong but it's not it's just your body adjusting. This will cause emotional outbursts in public places, thank god for understanding husband and friends. Spotting will however, make you feel like your whole world has just ended, but it's quite normal and thankfully is only a scare.

Taking all the right supplements and eating the right foods becomes your second job. Don't beat yourself up when you forget. Because well, life. It doesn't mean you're going to be the world's worst mother. 

You will feel tired, so tired and some people will really get that and others won't. However, life won't slow down so suck it up! You want to scream at anyone who upsets you and yell out loud your pregnant but you will get over that feeling and remember you're not the only person to get pregnant. You will feel that you are, but you aren't! Haha. People have a knack of making you feel really special though. 

Everyday you feel so excited and yet so terrified. That won't change. Ever. Even when baby is here. 

You are so very lucky and won't experience morning sickness, just the odd queasy day here and there. But later on in your pregnancy you won't be able to walk. Appreciate pain free walking whilst you can. Don't take that life skill for granted. The pain will be unbearable yet bearable at the same time (compare it to childbirth and you're laughing). Take it easy. You can't do it all even when you try. Slow down. Take breaks. Rest. Sleep... oh my days - sleep! Sleep for a whole day if you want because you will never, ever, sleep again. 

Your body changes at a rate of knots and it's something so alien yet so, so beautiful. You will spend nearly every day saying how wonderful the human body is and how incredible it is to house your human. It's ok to complain every now and then - don't think you can't. You won't but you can. 
Your skin will suddenly become that of a pubescent teenager's and you will have days where you just feel fat. Remember this isn't forever! And remember you are GROWING AN ACTUAL HUMAN!! You will wait all pregnancy to glow but I'm telling you now it won't happen. Soz. 
People say you cry at everything when you're pregnant but you don't - I'm not actually sure what happened to your hormones - mr jenandcub says you should be pregnant more often as you're way more chilled?! 

Embrace it. Every moment. People change towards you when your pregnant, strangers stop to ask you how you are feeling, when you're due, if it's a boy or girl. Some people presume you're not going to leave the house for the next 9 months and perhaps forget about you somewhat. Most people want to join in on the excitement and celebrate your upcoming arrival. Let them. Be selfish. Take time for you. Spend time just doing you - nails, hair, spend money on yourself because you won't want to soon. Go on all the date nights you can especially for meals out and to the cinema because those things become wayyy tricky with a newborn. 
Listen to all the advice that is about to come your way in droves. You don't need to take it, you probably won't even remember it but you will do exactly the same in the future to other women even if you think you won't. Some of it might be pure gold even if you think you won't ever be 'that mum'. 

Take all the moments you can to feel the kicks, and watch those movements because there is nothing like that feeling of a baby in your tummy and you're going to miss that bump! 

Take all the bump pictures. Too many are never enough. You never know when you might have taken your last bumpie...

Pack your bag way sooner then you intend to. Never have greasy hair - just incase you go into labour. FYI you won't go into labour naturally but your baby will arrive early. Be prepared, more than you are!! 

And lastly, well done you. This is seriously hard but you're doing a great job. You've got this.

From future me x


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